Reflections on Being Deluded in a Pair of Cranky Pants
Snowstorms, Canadian drivers in a hurry, and telling our stories of slowing down, paying attention, and taking responsibility.
Snowstorms
Canadian drivers are regularly in a hurry to get to their destination and a majority are willing to take unnecessary risks on the road, according to the results of a new survey. (Ryan White, CTVNews, November 21, 2024)
The other day, after two consecutive snowstorms moved across Saskatchewan, I was out walking the dogs and noticed that despite the roads having not yet been plowed, the snow that was still coming down, and the wind that was blowing drifts across the road, folks were still driving like, well, apparently like Canadian drivers in a hurry. So I wasn’t surprised to watch a fast moving car attempt and fail to make a turn. Their failure resulted in their being stuck, hitting the gas pedal over and over while their tires spun, and then kicking and swearing at the car.
At this point, I don’t even need to finish my thoughts - you’ve already gone there. This is about going too fast in a slow zone (the speed limit in the neighbourhood on a dry sunny day is 40 KM/hr), not paying attention, making a series of poor decisions, and not taking responsibility.
Why do we do this?
Because we tell ourselves stories that we like to believe; stories that rationalize our unwise behaviour, even at the cost of deluding ourselves.
Being Deluded in a Pair of Cranky Pants
Prior to the above walk in the snow, I was cranky. I mean really cranky. The type of cranky that truly did feel like having on a pair of cranky pants. Even though they were a bad fit and even though they were uncomfortable and making things worse, I just kept cinching up the belt to keep them on.
It all started at some point during the morning when I began to feel pressured and rushed. I complained about not having enough time, about being too busy, about my plan for the day going awry, and about every little thing that was getting in the way of my checklist (sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, I love my checklists).
My story of feeling pressured and rushed went something like this:
Everything is taking 100 times longer than usual.
Crankiness is best sustained with exaggeration.
Nothing is working.
Absolutes like nothing, everyone, and everything are essential for true crankiness and only the dishwasher wasn’t working.
I hate sending out invoices.
Really?
“Stress is a perverted relationship to time.” John O’Donohue. (Reflections on Stress and Time)
I had deluded myself with exaggerations and untruths of how the world was working and what was happening to me. I knew it was a story, but as miserable as I was feeling, those cranky pants were also strangely comfortable. Comfortable in the way that only bad habits are comfortable; they are known, they are ours, they run deep, and they excuse our poor choices.
The only way to ditch the cranky pants was for me to own that I had put them, that I was choosing to keep them on, and that only I could take them off.
I needed to own my story.
Owning Our Stories
Back to Canadian drivers.
Citing Traffic Injury Research Foundation data, CAA officials say the risk that accompanies speeding is difficult to justify, as drivers who exceed the speed limit by 10 km/h, on average, save only four minutes each trip and are 60 per cent more likely to be involved in a crash. (Ryan White, CTVNews, November 21, 2024)
Wow, the reality of speeding. Yet many of us do it and then blame the external conditions, the vehicle we’re driving, or others around us.
That’s right, again this isn’t just about driving too fast. This is about where our own well being, the well-being of others, the development of healthy workplace cultures and psychological safety, and the ease, confidence, and joys of leadership, hit the (yep, I’m going there) road.
Who hasn’t said, as soon as this quarter is over, as soon as this report is done, as soon as these meetings wrap up, it will be different? (Musings on Slowing Down)
When we tell the story that we can’t slow down and pay attention to ourselves and the people and conditions around us because work is too busy, there are too many demands, the organization will otherwise fall apart, or only we can do it, we are choosing to believe something that will not get us to where we want to go and may even involve us in a crash.
But we have options to own a healthier and wiser story.
Reflect (Your Way)
Stories are how we make sense of the world, and we are all our own storyteller. Here are a few prompts to start your reflection on your story of slowing down, paying attention, and taking responsibility.
How fast are you going right now?
Do you know what is your ideal pace and rhythm for you to be able to pay attention, to make wise choices, to improve the work environment for others, and to strengthen organizational impact?
When do you feel like you are living and working at your ideal pace and rhythm?
How does it feel to live and work at your ideal pace and rhythm?
At what pace and rhythm do you feel the most confident, at ease, and joyful?
At what pace and rhythm are you best able to show up for a better workplace and a better world?
Why do you want to live and work at your ideal pace and rhythm?
How do you want show up with your ideal pace and rhythm?
What do you want to grow?
What do you want to put down?
What do you want to change?
What is your story of slowing down, paying attention, and taking responsibility?
As always, reflect your way and with kindness and compassion. You might want to find some time to sit with these questions, to let them sink in, and to allow your responses and your story to emerge with courage and honesty.
I’m here for you,
Babs
p.s. You can find out more about me and my work as a leadership coach at the Courageous Leaders Project.
p.p.s I recommend Brené Brown’s recent blog post, Stressed and Overwhelmed:10 Learnings That Changed How I Think About Emotions.
Photo by Rolandas S on Unsplash
In “Reflections” I encourage us to take time to generously and kindly contemplate how we are showing up and to compassionately cultivate and nurture our growth. Reflect your way and use what is available and feels good to you. Get out the coloured markers, sing or dance, go outside and take in the sky, breathe deep, and know that you are not alone as a courageous leader.
Refer five friends (it doesn’t need to be all at once) and as my way of saying thank you, you will receive the gift of a Just for You coaching session via Zoom.