Reflections on the Fear of Missing Out Professionally
Babs weighed down with merit badges and eating worms in the garden.
In “Reflections” I encourage us to take time to generously and kindly contemplate how we are showing up and to compassionately cultivate and nurture our growth.
Reflect your way and use what is available and feels good to you. Get out the coloured markers, sing or dance, go outside and take in the sky, breathe deep, and know that you are not alone as a courageous leader.
Fear of Missing Out
Fear of missing out is well known as a social media hashtag (#FoMO) that is most often used to signal self-deprecating humour or admiration about someone else’s good fortune.
It has snuck into our everyday vocabulary thinly veiled as cute, funny, and even kind.
But it is none of those things.
This fear is real and is having a significant negative impact on our relationships and our well-being. While it has been around for as long as humans have been humans (and maybe even before) it has, with no surprise, become exacerbated with social media.
“Fear of missing out: A brief overview of origin, theoretical underpinnings and relationship with mental health” published in the World Journal of Clincal Cases and found at Pub Med Central is a relatively quick and deep read on this phobia. The authors describe the fear of missing out, and its strong connection with social media, as
two processes; firstly, perception of missing out, followed up with a compulsive behavior to maintain these social connections.
Note those two important words:
perception
compulsive behaviour
Reflect (Your Way)
Now ask yourself which of the following professional (as in its all about work) activities do I perceive that I need to be part of to the extent of compulsive behaviour?
Social media.
scrolling, updating, and liking and being liked
comparing and judging “humble brags” of career advancement, certifications, notable projects, and awards
Information seeking, hoarding, and then watching for or creating opportunities to be seen as the first in-the-know.
Meetings. All the meetings.
Saying “yes” to professional community requests such as being a guest speaker, a conference organizer, a mentor, or member (better yet the chair) of a committee.
Producing a podcast, social media channel, blog, or newsletter.
Collecting degrees, diplomas, and certificates.
This one is my main fear of missing out. I like learning and I know that all those degrees, diplomas, and certificates that I have collected have value. I also know that I am not always wisely motivated. I comb through graduate programs, advanced coaching certification, and other odd additions to my CV (space design, neuroscience, social theory … !!) like I’m a zealous scout in constant search of just one more merit badge for a sash that is already weighing me down with “should haves”.
Committees.
Even though already mentioned, they also need their own point. We just can’t resist committees because each and every committee, working group, advisory panel, or review commission is THE ONE that is going to change things.
Being on the project.
After all, we have already been gathering all the information, getting all the certificates, organizing the conference forum, getting likes on social media, and talking about it on our podcast / blog / newsletter so we must be needed on the project.
To be clear, participating in any and all of the above is not the problem.* The problem is being motivated to do so by an unhealthy and unwise perception that results in harmful compulsive behaviour. More of us are inflicted by this than we like to be aware of or like to admit - particularly when it comes to our own self.
I know that my work is making a difference and I am full on committed to growing it’s reach. And I need a little help from you. Refer friends to this newsletter, and when you have referred five friends, as my way of saying thank you, you will receive the gift of a Just for You coaching session. (via Zoom)
The Fear
Experiencing fear of missing out is a protective response in our work worlds gone awry. Protective, but not helpful.
When we are told that we need to keep stretching and reaching higher rates of productivity (good luck measuring that), innovation (honestly, putting 2 and 2 together to get 4 is not innovation), and results (I’m all for results, but in my latest audit of library director / CEO job invitations I can tell you that it is not humanly possible for anyone to bring in those results) we start spinning that hamster wheel faster and faster motivated by our fear of missing out.
When we do this, we suffer.
Our health suffers. When at work or thinking about work, how is your heart rate and breathing?
Our attention and focus suffers. When was the last time you were in “flow” at work?
Our relationships suffer. Healthy competition can be beneficial. Unhealthy competition based on scarcity and elbows up at the watering hole is damaging.
Our work suffers. Fear of missing out takes up all the energy, leaving the dregs for the day to day work of leadership.
Getting to the hard truth isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. When doing this work be kind to yourself and remember that you are not your perceptions or behaviours. You are a human who has developed some habits that may not be serving you well and you can change those habits with a bit of work and support.
Eating Worms in the Garden
When I was a kid, whenever I expressed something akin to the fear of missing out, my grandma would say, “ah, you poor thing, I guess your life is just eating worms in the back garden”. I loved this woman, but she said some pretty strange and not always helpful things.
Nobody likes me, every body hates me,
I think I'll go eat worms!
Awful nursery rhyme as I remember it, but it nicely illustrates the belief that if we aren’t in the thick of it, we aren’t being valued by others. Being valued by others can be a huge, and not always healthy, extrinsic motivator in our work lives.
Fear of missing out, really is the fear of not being valued.
You are not alone and you don’t have to feel that way.
I’m here for you,
Babs
You can find out more about me and my work as a leadership coach at courageousleaders.ca.
*Interesting to note, that as much as we might complain about the amount of emails in our inboxes, we often don’t make the connection between that and our fear of missing out.
Photo from Melanie Kanzler for Unsplash+