Hey Babs, Making a Mistake and Getting Fired
Babs' thoughts on sweeping things under the carpet and moving on.
Hey Babs,
Long story short. I was hired straight out of my graduate program into a junior executive position for a successful national firm. I’m considered smart, personable, and full of great potential. I’m not kidding, I have the awards going all the way back to pre-school to prove it. Admittedly, some of my hiring luck was due to family connections and timing, but I also know that I can do the work and do it well.
My mentor at the firm was one of the firm’s founders. He is an upstanding member of the community, a philanthropist, and an all-round great guy. He ran into a bit of trouble with his accounts and asked me to temporarily bury a report while he fixed a few things. It was to be for a week at the most and wanting to be a team player I agreed to do so.
Well, it wasn’t a week and eventually his situation was uncovered and landed on the desk of the CFO and then the CEO. He was fired, along with two members of his team, and me.
While I know, and knew at the time, that what I did was wrong, I feel strongly that I was only doing as I was told and that I am a victim deserving of some slack, not firing.
I read your LinkedIn post about how when we fail we are more than what happened. I am more than this one mistake.
I just want to sweep this episode of my life under the carpet. Any advice?
J.
Hey J.,
Thanks for sharing this story and I’m glad that the LinkedIn post about failures led you to connecting with me and the Courageous Leaders Project.
Yep, this is a failure and as in the LinkedIn post, not an Amy Edmondson “intelligent failure”, but one where many would understand your desire to sweep it under the carpet.
I don’t know you or the firm you worked for, but what you did was dishonest and damaging to the firm’s business and reputation. Being fired is to be expected. Being given a second chance is to be earned.
So here’s some advice on earning that second chance.
Do not sweep it under the carpet.
Use this as a valuable life lesson and an opportunity to shine a light into your dusty corners and hidden passageways and ask yourself “why did I, knowing it was wrong, agree to bury a report?”.
You don’t have to shine this light alone. I recommend working with someone on knowing and owning your priorities and values, on setting boundaries for nurturing and honouring those priorities and values, and on having habits for an ethical life.
You are indeed more than this mistake, so learn how to do better.
Own Your Mistake
Get to know and own your mistake. Make friends with it. Poke at it. Look at it from all sides. If you need to, cry with it a little, get angry with it a little; but only a little as anything more is useless self-indulgence.
Call it “my mistake”.
Yes, there was a power-imbalance between you and your mentor, but the mistake in burying the report was yours.
Make Amends
Part of any worthwhile recovery program is making amends. If you haven’t yet, you owe the firm an apology. And not a grudging back-handed I was a victim apology, but a full on, short and sweet, I made a mistake, I own it, I’m sorry.
If there is anything that you need to do to repair damages, make a plan and do it.
Let Go and Move On
While a good lesson stays with us for life, we don’t need to carry the mistake around like a seeping bag of yuck for life.
There comes a time, usually after the above work (do not skip the work!), to let go and move on. Sure some folks may continue to gossip about it for a few more minutes, let them. Some may chose not to trust you until you demonstrate differently, so demonstrate differently. And some will give you space to take all that you have learned and to grow. I suggest that you chose wisely who you hang out with on your leadership path.
And speaking about hanging out with. I note that you referred to your mentor as “upstanding” and a “great guy”. Actually, he wasn’t. He asked you to do something wrong to cover his having done something wrong.
What if along with the mistake, you let go of some other stuff? This may happen while working with someone on your priorities, values, and ethical life (see above), but I just want to toss in how our clinging to things such as status (national firm executive, family connections) and extrinsic motivation (that others think of us as smart, personable, full of potential, and a team player) can sometimes set conditions that are not beneficial to our priorities, values, and an ethical life.
Another way of putting this is, in moving on, what is no longer serving you and your growth well and needs to be let go?
J., you are more than this one mistake. Being a courageous leader means that we often take the more arduous or rigorous path as we navigate our ethical lives, work, and impact. It’s worth it - for you, others around you, and a better world.
Remember, you do not have to do this alone.
Babs
p.s. You can find out more about the Courageous Leaders Project and my work as a facilitator and coach at courageousleaders.ca.
I am grateful for your letters and that so many honest and courageous people share their leadership stories with me to share with others. Unfortunately, it is not possible to share all of your letters and stories in this newsletter.
Please note that if you are experiencing a situation that is unsafe, if you are in crisis, or if you are struggling with trauma, that you deserve and need help. When it is right for you, please reach out to whoever you trust, to your workplace employee assistance program, or to a medical or counselling professional.